This Is An Actual E-Mail I Received.

From: Chris Vaught <purplerider8608@yahoo.com>
To: "plaschkethysweaterargyle@yahoo.com" <plaschkethysweaterargyle@yahoo.com>
Sent: Friday, June 7, 2013 6:50 PM
Subject: Re: Trade Lies

"Hey there mr. know nothing, some pussy you are, lying about the Orioles wanting the head case moron either, we have a good team Hardy a gold glove man am sure you do fucking want him, but your fucking lousy team needs more than that, they need to get of faggot Magic Johnson, the owner of your dodgers is a fucking joke, just like the article you wrote for yahoo, bitch, I tell you the west coast all the time, your fuckers are out of touch with reality, the real world fuck head is on the east coast between Washington and New York, the rest of the world is in the very back seat, we are in the front, moron,

You want to headlines run in front of a high speed train, the world & air will be clearer of your fucking stink, Go majorly fuck yourself you self absorbed cocksucker, get rid the real problem in dodgers, becket, hanley, kemp, and you. Next make up lies about the fucked up angels and the rockies, stay the fuck out of east coast your intellect is not the smart, pin head."

-----------

He then followed it up with one last intellectual gem:

"Got a fuck up e-mail argyle idiot moron"

-----------

Andre Ethier: One Of The Most Overrated and Overpaid Players In All of Baseball.

Roy-Z over at Plain Gray Swatch wrote a post a while back in which he asked why so many Dodgers' fans seemed to be down on the "ever-consistent" Andre Ethier, viewing him more as a liability than as a star. I happen to be one of those people that has never been a big Ethier fan and advocated trading him long ago, so I thought I'd lay out the reasoning behind my stance.

Ethier has been a fan favorite for a long time, and in his early days had the support of pretty much all Dodgers' fans not running the day-to-day operations of the club. People clamored for him to not lose playing time to retreads, has-beens, and never-weres, as has so often happened to young Blue Crew players over the last decade when they first make it up to The Show (see: Matt Kemp, etc.).

Once Andre became a full-time starter, however, it was soon apparent that he was nothing more than a platoon player whom fans fell in love with because of things like batting average, RBIs, and the rantings of "analysts" like Steve Lyons, one of the few who has long held that Dre is a Gold Glove right fielder. Those RBIs and his perceived excellence led to a ludicrous contract extension of $85 million over five years with a sixth-year option that's highly likely to become guaranteed and push the deal past the $100 million mark.

Let's get the obvious, much-discussed out of the way. Andre Ethier can't, has not, and will never hit lefties well enough to be a full-time player you can count on for the majority of a season. His career slash line against southpaws looks frightening, mostly because it is:

.239/.297/.358/.655 with a .290 wOBA

Dear every God that's ever been prayed to.

Dre is shockingly bad against lefties, immeasurably bad, you could say. It's not that there aren't ways to measure his ineptitude against southpaws, it's just that I thought any statistical system would crash and be eternally demolished trying to run his atrocious numbers against port-siders (oooh, we should totally get that into the baseball vernacular as another term for lefties).

It's not as if Andre has been unlucky in these situations, as his BABIP against lefties is .292, meaning he's been neither lucky nor unlucky. What we've all seen is what he is: god awful when a right-handed hurler is not opposing him. It's also not as if this can be chalked up to a small sample size issue, as Ethier has put up these numbers - and I use put up very, very lightly - in 1,134 plate appearances entering April 16th.

When tacked on to his below-average baserunning (career -4.7 BsR) and defensive shortcomings (i.e. he's a terrible right fielder, costing the Dodgers ~ 23.2 runs per year), Dre's inability to hit lefties makes him the ideal candidate to platoon with a righty bat that can hit lefties and actually field the position.

The potential has been there, and the Dodgers definitely won the trade with Oakland to bring him to LA - giving up Milton Bradley and Antonio Perez - but Andre has never been able to live up to that potential. His fWAR has never topped 3.2, and it's likely to never top the 3.5-4 range because those massive struggles against lefties drag down his bat, the one area he can contribute in.

If left-handers didn't exist, not only would Andre be more appreciated, he'd be a star amongst stars. Well, if lefties and fielding and baserunning weren't on the table, he'd be upper-echelon easily. His career line against righties is an outstanding .310/.388/.523/.911 with a .389 wOBA. Andre walks more, strikes out less, hits for more power, and is actually competent against right-handers.

Unfortunately for Ethier, we live in a baseball world where lefties do exist.

And he should never play against them.

Ever.

Andre Ethier is not underrated in any sense of the word. It's quite the opposite, actually, as he's one of the most overrated players in baseball.

Sorry to burst your bubble, non-statistically-inclined fellow Dodgers' fans.

The Dodgers' Steve Lyons Is The Worst Announcer In Baseball.

Particularly now that Joe Morgan is out of the announcing game. And hey, at least Morgan was an all-time great, and either the best or second-best second baseman ever. Lyons was, shall we say, less than terribly atrocious.

Here's what Lyons is most well-known for: not his announcing, not his baseball insights, not his witty commentary, but this display of hilarious ineptitude. Thanks to Chad for the .gif:

It's not just that Lyons was an atrocious player: a .301 OBP, .286 wOBA, and 3.1 career WAR will take care of anyone's potential legacy. It's that he doesn't even realize what makes a good baseball player today. Clearly, he's not the venerable Vin Scully, but he's so bad he's dragged down whatever potential Eric Collins once possessed.

He has a complete misunderstanding of on-base percentage and its value and places far too much importance on RBIs while failing to see that statistic's irrelevancy and the connection between that and OBP. He also clearly has failed to master the art of fact-checking, or getting someone more knowledgeable than he to carry out that simple task for him.

When I first penned my ode to Lyons' stupidity back on August 28th of 2009, here is some of what I wrote about Lyons and his belief that HRs are "rally killers":

Why? I'll tell you why, because that's baseball to the old-school, gritty, against statistics, pants-dropping, racially-insensitive* Steve Lyons: playing the game illogically because you can't comprehend the correct way to play.

But, if we're being honest, guys like Babe Ruth (good thing he pitched regularly/semi-regularly for 6 years, saved him from absolutely demolishing about 100 rallies) and Hank Aaron and Barry Bonds were really assholes, pure, selfish assholes, with all those rallies they killed. Jerks.

Steve Lyons, the epitome of not killing rallies! 19 career HRs, but 100 doubles. That's how you keep rallies alive and get that oh so beautiful career OPS+ of 77. 77! What an offensive dynamo. And I'll go out on a limb and surmise he also believes walks clog the bases.

The man is so out of touch that he even suggested a player of the stature of Albert Pujols - you know, one of the ten greatest players to ever step on the diamond - needed to be signed because the previous face of the franchise was close to croaking at the time of his comments. As opposed to, you know, him being a phenomenal player and one of the ten greatest ever.

Lyons makes me want to watch the game with the mute button on and broken off of my remote so I can't even possibly turn the sound back on. He makes a sea of vuvuzelas sound like serene ocean noises, a symphony of great classical music, or a beautiful serenade. When Lyons opens his mouth, I think gun, brain, bliss.

Trade With Nomo's Sushi Platter: Cleaning Out A Former Ryan Braun Collector. (150th Trade!)

I completed my sixth trade with Spiegel of Nomo's Sushi Platter. You can check out the first here, the second here, the third here, the fourth here, and the fifth here. This is the first trade I've completed in-person, as Mike and I met up at his LCS, Valley Sports Cards, to swap cards and exchange witty banter. It also allowed me to give Mike his Card Draft spoils. As the title alludes to, Spiegel formerly collected Braun, but ended that collection with Braun's positive test. With this generation's Hebrew Hammer not facing a suspension, but questions still surrounding the situation, Spiegel's suspicions of Braun's PED use remain.

That being said, I don't care one way or the other. It would be great if Braun were clean and nobody cheated, but guys have cheated since the dawn of time. Gaylord Perry threw a spitball and Mike Schmidt used greenies and, while admitting to doing so, claimed just about everyone else in his era did as well (a link worth checking out, and that's considering a terrible writer and all-around fool in Murray Chass wrote the article). That doesn't make it right or behavior to copy, but I don't mind continuing a collection, even amidst questions and doubts.

I don't buy that PEDs improve your performance, just that they help you heal from injury, from what I've heard and read. Its a non-issue for me, because Braun's a great player period. Not the MVP mind you, regardless of testing positive or not, but a great player. So I was more than happy to take some new Brauns off of Mike's hands and give him cards that fit better into his collection and don't make him sick to his stomach.

A great overview of the entire Braun situation, with a particular emphasis on the aftermath of the arbitrator's decision, can be found over at ChadMoriyama.com, the blog that houses the majority of my analytical work (when I pen analytical work) and the wonderful writing of my boss, Chad Moriyama.

These were the four major gets for me, and it all centered around the 2005 Topps Update Gold RC, #'d 1958/2005, above. I had no idea Mike had the Diamond Die-Cut, so that pleasant surprise put a smile on my face, as Topps really hit it out of the park with those. It's my second from that sweet set, as I picked up the Kershaw DDC a while back.

Spiegel handed over much, much more than the above four, including some PC items pictured above. A new Kershaw (in sticker form), a sweet Fleer Cole Hamels RC, and a Danny Espinosa Chrome RC, which completes a Trifecta for the former Long Beach State Dirtbag. The entire Espinosa Trifecta is below.

In terms of Brauns, there were base cards, inserts, parallels, rookies, serial-numbered cards, die-cuts, and even a couple of minis, most of which can be seen below.

Thanks for another fantastic trade Spiegel! Oh, and number 150 is in the books! Damn, that's a boatload of deals.

Ned Colletti Trusts Garret Anderson

And this is a prime example of why I don't trust or believe in Ned Colletti.

"I see a player struggling to adjust to a new role," general manager Ned Colletti said. "One at-bat five times a week, it's very tough."

 Joe Torre decided to chime in as well:

"We're trying to get him as many at-bats to make it easier on him. I see a timing thing. Is he the same player he was at one time? No. But he comes out of the dugout with a couple men on base and he'll scare the heck out of me. That's a big part of having him as a weapon."

Joe, you're the only one scared of him. You should be scared of playing him and wasting plate appearances on him.

I can guarantee you of one thing: no one, and I mean no one, is remotely scared of Garret Anderson doing anything of value while at the dish. His OBP this year, coming into Tuesday, was a truly frightening (and fright-inducing, for Dodgers fans) .154, and his career OBP is .325, hardly warrior-like or productive.

He's barely been an average player for his career, and now, he's DONE. Finished, over, out of the game.

Put him out to pasture already.

Ned Colletti Trashes Another Young Dodgers Player

A bit less publicly this time around, but still, Ned continues to show that he has no idea what constitutes a productive player or what logical team-building entails.

Blame me? No, it was that young productive player's fault.

Veterans, they're veterans you know. 

After choosing to send Xavier Paul to AAA instead of the atrocious Garret Anderson (at the risk of losing Anderson on waivers - oh what a gift shame that would be), in order to activate Manny Ramirez from the DL, Colletti informed Paul of why he was the player on the short end of the stick. Via Ken Gurnick (and thanks to Josh S. for pointing me towards this article), Colletti told Paul:

 Paul said he was told by general manager Ned Colletti to work on his mental approach to the game "and being a big leaguer."

For those of you who believe confidence is a key and something that can be lost in young players easily, this certainly can't help.

Paul said upon hearing the news:

"I don't fit here right now, that's it," Paul said after being consoled by teammates Casey Blake and Matt Kemp. "Right now, I just don't cut it here."

At least his mindset going forward is strong:

"As a player, I have to respect that. It's his team. At the end of the day, my thought is to keep working hard and keep playing like every day is my last. I know the situation with Manny coming back tomorrow. It is what it is. It's a decision they have to make." 

What exactly constitutes a "big leaguer". Because Paul can play all three outfield positions, has a cannon for an arm, can steal a base, has some pop in his bat, a solid eye at the plate, and clearly has room to grow and improve. Garret Anderson, on the other hand, has proven over his long career that getting on-base is not something he excels at, there's no room for growth, he's not suddenly going to find the fountain of youth, and oh yeah, he's horrid on both sides of the ball now. Paul's OBP is .323, Anderson's is .167 in 17 more plate appearances. Paul has earned a roster spot, Anderson has not.

So tell me Ned, if Paul has to work on his mental approach, why not tell Anderson to work on his being a productive player approach? Oh yes, I forgot, you won't do that, because Anderson is a veteran, and if you criticize him or cut him, it makes you look bad.

And all this time, I thought it was the General Manager's job to put together a team with the best chance of making the playoffs. I thought it was his job to put together a team that would win games.

Silly me.

Let's Get #HeymanFail Trending On Twitter

So, it's time we got #HeymanFail trending on Twitter.

Because if it's Jon Heyman we're talking about, he always fails.


I started us off.

[Image from wfan.com]

Matt Kemp, Beast Of A Man

The Matt Kemp-Ned Colletti feud has been covered literally everywhere, and there's really no point in me breaking it down and giving my thoughts to each and every quote from Kemp, Colletti, and Dave Stewart, Kemp's agent, when they can be summed up fairly simply:

• Matt Kemp is a BEAST.
• Dave Stewart is spot on by pointing Ned's fat little finger back at Ned himself.
• Ned Colletti is a douchebag, no-talent having GM who's fortunate to even be in a position to criticize others. If this ridiculousness he has brought on the team in any way, shape, or form causes Matty to leave at the first chance he gets, we all need to seriously riot and put Ned on trial. Old-timey trial, if you catch my drift. Think Medieval. Of course, if Ned still has his job by then, that in and of itself is cause for action.
  

I'll end with a Tweet of mine sent to Roberto from Vin Scully Is My Homeboy (which he was kind enough to re-Tweet -- much thanks) in response to why Colletti would even bring this situation upon himself:

@rbaly79 I get it Roberto. Ned Colletti's an incompetent jackass who's supremely lucky to even have a job, let alone a stupid 5-year deal.

Dodgers Links On A Saturday Night

Joe Torre has confidence in Charlie Haeger as his 5th starter. As he should: Charlie Knuckles can eat a ton of innings, provide relief support in between starts if necessary, which he has already done once this season, and when that knuckleball is dancing, can mow 'em down, to the tune of 12 strikeouts in his first start on April 11th against the Marlins. [Link not working, it was from the Dodgers Official Site]

Manny Ramirez has returned to LA for treatment on his injured calf. He was in the dugout for Friday's game, but will miss the rest of the road trip. [Manny Returns To LA For Treatment]

Chad Billingsley and confidence. Bleh. kensai over at Memories Of Kevin Malone has this one right: mechanics and pitch selection are ailing Chad. I'll include some thoughts from Torre regarding Bills. [Confidence Eluding Billingsley Early On]

"His stuff is good," said Torre. "We have a tendency to make such an issue of pitch count and throwing strikes, that you can become too concerned with that instead of trusting when he lets it go."

Maybe Joe Torre Should Get Acclimated With Stats

Blake DeWitt did not start in Thursday's night game, being replaced by Jamey Carroll. Joe Torre's reasoning, reported by Ken Gurnick:

Manager Joe Torre first explained that DeWitt is "struggling" with his swing and "fouling off pitches that he should be putting into play."

Torre, however, also conceded that DeWitt's lifetime numbers against Haren -- 0-for-10 with five strikeouts -- were more than a small factor in the decision.

I've got no real problem with Torre's second train of thought, though I would have started DeWitt if the decision had been mine. However, Torre then said this:

"I only pay attention to stats if they get my attention," Torre said in Yogi Berra fashion.

Perhaps Joe should go back and look at those fancy statistics, and focus in on the one titled "O-B-P". Let's help old Joe out: it stands for on-base percentage, and is the single most important measurement of how productive a player has been offensively. A high OBP is more conducive to scoring runs than a low one, and scoring more runs than the other team is kind of important, or so I've heard.

Blake DeWitt's OBP coming into Thursday, through 7 games and 28 plate appearances: .429, good for third among regulars on the team. He's the most patient, or one of the two or three most patient hitters, on the team, and while he may not be swinging the bat up to the standards he would like to, he's still getting on-base, which is all that matters.

Hey Joe, does that get your attention? Because a .429 OBP should every day of the week.

Did Joe Morgan Really Just Say That? (UPDATE)

Morgan just said that we were watching "Sandy Koufax vs. Juan Marichal" on the ESPN 2 telecast of Sunday Night Baseball, referring to tonight's Opening Day match-up of C.C. Sabathia and Josh Beckett.

Right Joe, right. Just go back to statistical analysis and leave the broadcasting to somebody else.

Preferably not Orel Hershiser.

UPDATE: Morgan also said they were two of the greatest pitchers of their generation (he may have used the word era). Johan Santana and Roy Halladay would strongly, strongly disagree. And considering C.C. and Beckett will probably each pitch at least another 5-8 years, Clayton Kershaw and Tommy Hanson voice their disagreement as well.

Obviously 1 game is by no means a measuring stick for an entire career or what a player's career may end up as, but it is quite funny that Morgan would make this egregious comparison on a night when the lines for both C.C. and Beckett were quite awful.

Beckett: 4.2 IP, 5 ER, 8 Hits, 1 K, 3 BB, 2 HR, 94 pitches - 54 for strikes

C.C.: 5.1 IP, 5 ER, 6 Hits, 4 K, 2 BB, 104 pitches - 58 for strikes

Links On A Saturday Morning

Some guy I've never heard of asks who you would rather keep, Matt Kemp or Andre Ethier. I can't believe this guy was serious when he wrote this article. Of course he never gives an answer, sidestepping it at the end by calling it a tough decision that would make him pull his hair out. In what world is this a tough decision? It's Kemp every day of the week and three times on Sunday. [If You Had To Choose: Kemp or Ethier]

Hong Chih-Kuo has been shut down with elbow pain. [Dodgers Shut Down Kuo]

Ken Gurnick reports that Ronnie Belliard made weight (209 pounds) to guarantee his contract. When it takes that much motivation to lose some weight, it makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside that he'll be taking at-bats away, along with Jamey Carroll, from Blake DeWitt. [Belliard Contract Guaranteed]

Why Does Every Writer For The LA Times Have To Write Like Bill Plaschke?

Steve Dilbeck pens a piece about Chad Billingsley and "mental toughness", which is where I check out to begin with. But why does he feel the need to write like the man who inspired this blog, The Argyled One, Bill Plaschke?

Learn what a paragraph is my friend.

Rotowire's Writing Is Interesting

In a quick blurb on Olympian and Ducks winger Teemu Selanne, Rotowire.com, linked through Yahoo, mentions Selanne breaking the all-time scoring mark at the Olympics with 37 points.

Selanne, who is currently playing for Finland....

Funny, "currently playing for Finland" implies he played for another country at some point. It's the Olympics, Rotowire, not the NHL. He's always played for Finland, what with Teemu being Finnish and all.

We Meet Again Dear Friend Plaschke

Mike Scioscia's Tragic Illness does the work for me, as Plaschke once again proves his ass-hattery knows no bounds.

And you wonder why no one likes you Bill.

A Really, Truly Late Halloween Expose

Jay Mariotti: Cross-Dresser Extraordinaire

Please Stop Using The Term "Professional Hitter"

The term "Professional Hitter" bothers me for so many reasons. Just like "scrappy", "full of heart", and other terms of that nature that are just substitutes for the pejoratives we should be using. "Professional Hitter" is in reality just a cover, a sham.

When a player is referred to as a "Professional Hitter", what they really are is a mediocre at best, usually awful offensive player who once got a hit.

Here's looking at you, new Dodgers' bench and half of the Dodgers minor-league signings.

Our First Batch Of Sanchez Poise Has Risen From The Ashes Of Uneducated Football Writers

Just as I had predicted.

Via Deadspin, I bring you Poise, Dirty Sanchez Style.

A Bold Prediction For The Upcoming Week

The words "poise" and "Mark Sanchez" will appear in numerous headlines and stories across the nation.

And it won't be the first time that has happened this year.

Be. Prepared. Prepoised.

Oh, and nice second half egg there San Diego.

God I hates me some Norv Turner.

UCLA To Hold Panel Discussion On Sports Broadcasting

This Sunday, the 10th, will see a panel discussion regarding careers in sports broadcasting held at UCLA. The event starts at 11:30 a.m. and guests will include:

• the Dodgers' own Charley Steiner
• Los Angeles Kings broadcaster Bob Miller, who I may never forgive for butchering Bobby Ryan's name on his phenomenal, amazing, beautiful spin-o-rama hat trick goal last season
• Lindsay Soto
• John Ireland from Mason and Ireland
  

The exact location is the Ackerman Union Viewpoint Conference Room, A-Level, above the UCLA Bookstore.

I'm thinking of going. I definitely want to, but we shall see.

I couldn't find anything to confirm from the UCLA site, but I also didn't dig as much as I'm sure I could have. I did find this however, via Tom Hoffarth's blog Farther Off The Wall:

The Southern California Sports Broadcasters Association, which will have its annual awards lunch on Feb. 1 at Lakeside Country Club, is sponsoring a panel discussion at UCLA's Ackerman Hall on Sunday, Jan. 10 starting at 11:30 a.m. that will include Kings play-by-play man Bob Miller as the moderator. Other panelists include UCLA basketball and football play-by-play man Chris Roberts, Dodgers play-by-play man Charley Steiner, FSN West/Versus/NFL Network reporter Lindsay Soto and former head of Disney Television Sports Roger Blaemire.
Miller says of the program: "The purpose is to provide a wide-ranging look at the employment requirements and opportunities in sports broadcasting. The primary goal for many students may be on-air sportscasting, but there are also a variety of very rewarding and challenging careers behind the cameras that are expanding."

As a side note, this is, of course, the same Tom Hoffarth who wrote the douchiest article ever known to man (sorry Bill Plaschke) encouraging the Dodgers to trade Clayton Kershaw. Not surprisingly, his article has been pulled from the archives, as evidenced by the above link; the comments are still accessible though. Here's a link that covers the article and includes some of its douchey content.

Back on topic, always call to confirm. No reason to schlep on down for nothing.